Web Date 1-10-2005.

It's been raining day and night here in Los Angeles. Sent Bondo Gods Vol 3 out to press. It's should be available two weeks the latest. It's 2005 and winter here so I redo my Van-nilla and Once Upon A Time DVDs. I'm cutting out the unimportant stuffs and adding new scenes. I'm calling them... Van-nilla Reloaded and Once Upon A Time Reloaded. Finally, I am very happy with them. Check out the new pix in my store.

On another note, I got quite a response from my little posting on 1-06-2005. A lot of Thank yous, some "I can relate", a couple of very very long email, and one "Yuck, too much info". LOL!

I can definitely understand the Yuck... esp if you are new here. It's like going on a first date with someone and he just goes on and on about his deep emotional diarrhea. I would be looking at the door.

To be honest, I not quite sure what I'm trying to do here... somethings are planned, some are impulses, and some are just reaction from my visitors. Yes, I realized that there are new visitors who came here to take a look my tities. But I also develop a relationship with many visitors who came here from day one of this website. People tell me a lot of private matter. Also, there are people under some extraordinary circumstances... are home bound and found the web to pass the time or to reach out to the world. I know I'm one of the many stops but their stories are real and they require me to be real.

Here are my tities just in case. Click on the small pix for a larger view. xoxo Van :)

Web Date 1-06-2005.

Gosh it's 2005... According to www.deathclock.com, I should kick the bucket on Thursday, August 5, 2043. On Wednesday of that month, I am going to take a couple of idiots down with me. Just kidding.

I saw the finally of The Swan TV show. It's a makeover show of very plain women via plastic surgery, exercises and dieting. These women told tales of emotional and sometimes physical abuses throughout their lives. I was drawn to the show because I guess we all could relate in some way.

My situation was merely financial... it was like a roller coaster when I was growing up. Back in Vietnam, my Polish step father made a ton of money from the US government. We were well off until the end of the war. 1975, We left everything behind and moved "Hicksville", USA. I remembered us (1 younger half brother and 2 younger half sisters) getting teased for being poor. After 5 years, we got on our feet and my parents got a small business. What a relief... we could afford new school clothes and real haircuts. Not long after that, the economy got bad and we were struggling again. I was just getting into high school at that time. I had to help out with our store before school and at night. My dad allowed me to play football so I had football practices right after school.

In my sophomore year, I got my front tooth knocked out during a game. I thought it was the end of the world. But at the same time, I didn't want to trouble my parents because they had bigger fish to fry... like the mortgage and taking care of my younger siblings. So, I learned not to show my teeth... smiling with my upper lips down. Sometimes kids would say, "Hey, what's going on with your mouth?" And I just walked away.

I know what it's like to live in a huge 7 bedroom house with marble floors and I also know what it's like to cram six people in a one bedroom home with an outhouse. From Catholic boarding school and a private chauffeur to sitting in an outhouse in the middle of winter with a missing tooth, my inside was the same but my outside and how I related to world was totally different.

Of course being poor has it downside but the rich and beautiful also have theirs. I'm sure beautiful Beverly Hills housewives are constantly fighting off the aging process and the rich and powerful go to bed at night dreaming of their next conquest and wondering what they have to do to achieve and maintain all that. Rich or poor, these battles are constant and never ending.

What if one day, one decides not to show up to these battles. One says to hell with the Joneses... I'm tired of keeping up with them... I really don't care what other people think. And start doing things one loves and stop living life on the offensive or defensive. Perhaps lifting ones heart out of that protective nuclear/uranium casing, one can offer love and acceptance to ones surrounding.

I think I'm there.