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Web Date 02-05-2007
Hey, I got this email and I thought I would share: " hi, i just have a question...i read something on your website about how you came into the porn business. I understand that you were recovering from a relationship because your partner had died. A three year relationship might I add. But, why did you think it was wise to go into the porn industry? Don't you think it's kind of messed up to go and start having casual sex with so many people and making it public after such a deep deep relationship. Don't take this offensively, please don't do that. Feel free to respond if you want. Just want to know what you think. "
My Reply: Well, I think you read that in Bio / Past Bio / Video. In it I said a death of a relationship, the relationship died not my ex boyfriend. Actually, he has been my roommate for the past 5 years. We are great friends.
Hmmmm, "...having casual sex with so many people and making it public"... that messed up? Or you think it's messed up because I'm having all that sex after a deep relationship? I'm not quite sure which part you find messed up.
Just so you know, what's "messed up" to you may not be to other people. What seems normal to you maybe "messed up" to other people. For example, the majority of the world think being gay is "messed up". I think it's better to say "I don't understand" than to put a judgement on anything or anyone :)
I would never say... I think it's messed up when this millionaire in Los Angeles bought lottery tickets on a regular basis and then he actually won. Now he got millions on top of his millions. Or other millionaires out there spending every waking second of their lives figuring ways to acquire more millions. I simply can't relate to that kind of happiness but I don't judge. I just chalk it up to one of those things I just don't understand. If I get my one million or even half as much, I would say Sayonara to the world, move to the Big Island of Hawaii and live on my 20 acre bamboo forest / farm. Then again, that's just me.
As for too much sex... I know a lot of people get their panties in a bunch when it comes to sex. Turn on the Trinity Network at anytime and they will tell you that we should do "it" only for procreation and spend our waking hours building civilization and praying to the lord. And yet, we cheat, hence we relate sex to guilt and shame.
I had this female friend in college. She was a wild one... drinking and partying. I remembered her giving blow jobs to a couple of Chippendale dancers in the bathroom at one of their shows. She then got married and had a couple of kids. All of the sudden, she's found god and now one of those opinionated religious right wing so and so. She started to get on my case a couple of months ago. So, I told her that back in college while she was being, to put it nicely, a party girl, I was a bookworm. I had no choice. I was hideous back then but that's another story. I told her that just because she is where she is today, the entire world don't have to stop and mirror whatever she happen to be doing at the moment. She had her fun and she needs to let me and the rest of the world have our own fun. My point is that, we all grow at different time, different pace, and in our own different ways.
I feel I am at a point in my life where I'm decent looking and I have just right amount of sex, for me. Prior, I was just trying to figure out who I am. In the near future, perhaps I may not enjoy sex as much or found a secret to even more intense sex. One thing for sure is that life is moving forward and forever changing. After all this babbling, my point is that I guess I have no point... I'm still babbling :) I live my life consciously and to my fullest. I don't own a lot of things. I don't have any bills or debt. I don't own an alarm clock or wear a watch. I truly love and enjoy what I'm doing. At the end of the day, you have to find your own definition of happiness and live it for yourself and no one else. What was the question again? Well, this is the best I can do. It's 4:08AM in Los Angeles...
xoxo Van
PS: As for "making it public", the tag line for this website is "Art and Sex Deserve a Witness."
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