George Michael, Adele, Lost Friends & Maui

I just saw Adele on the Grammys singing Fastlove as a tribute to George Michael. It hit me to my core because the song is so perfect for him. The moment was art on top of art. I played his album “Older” all the time and Fastlove is one of my favorite songs. I can relate to the lyrics and I think so a lot of gay men.

“Looking for some affirmation
Made my way into the sun
My friends got their ladies
And they’re all having babies
But I just wanna have some fun…”

Flash to: Maui –  summer of 2002, I was in the back seat of a Vanagon next to my best friend Duncan.  My boyfriend Jason was driving and my other best friend James was in the passenger seat. George Michael’s “Older” cd was playing as the hot Maui winds beat on our sunburnt faces. The old Vanagon flew through the Hawaiian desert while the Kiawe trees danced in the sun. The most important people in the whole wide world to me were all in this van, singing Fastlove. I touched Duncan’s face and he smiled at me with is perfectly white Australian teeth, giving me the “I’m cute” face. Jason gave me a wink through the rear view mirror and I could see the back of James head bopping to the music. He had his right  foot and right arm out the window. I took a moment and told myself to never forget this space in time.  I thanked the universe for such fortune and such love.

Sadly, Duncan passed away in 2005 and James was gone last week. I never had a chance to say thank you and goodbye.  If only we could have a few more minutes…

I had meaningful love and I had fast love. I’m fortunate enough to travel the world and get to do what I love for a living.  From flying first class to Europe and staying at the best hotels to  hitchhiking and eating Spam in the forest, I’m a lucky sob. Yours truly has just enough fame to be left alone at the Cracker Barrel, and to be recognized with his dick out at a sex club. If I kick the bucket today, I had a full and wonderful life already and my time here at the Compound (my new home in the Carolinas) is just a bonus. Just icing on the cake…

I was photographed by Clifford Baker!


George Michael by my very good friend Dave Woodman. He’s the best. Check out his store on Etsy.

Merry Xmas!!!

After 8 years of working for the world best fetish video company, I said goodbye to, sold my house in San Francisco and moved to the east coast. Before I left, I had to eat at the French Laundry in Napa Valley  for the very last time (so I can have my third French Laundry menu framed for the wall.) I landed in Greenville SC in the fall and the leaves were orange and red… so beautiful! Everything is so inexpensive compare to SF. $2 gas and all you can eat KFC buffet. I’m in heaven.  I discovered the Cracker Barrel restaurants.  Chicken fried chicken with biscuits and sawmill gravy. Pecan pie with homemade vanilla ice cream.

I bought a house on 15 acres lot of land in the middle of nowhere. Well water and satellite internet. My god, satellite internet is so damn slow and expensive.  My friends call my new home  The Compound because they think I’m prepping for the end of the world. Actually, once I’m done setting up house, I’m thinking about creating a “bondage camp” :) Kink wants me to produce some content for them. I might do that this summer on my property. It’s all forest land so no one can hear the screams.

I’m off to Greece in March and Vietnam in May.  Life is fantastic. Give me a few months to settle here, I’ll make more bondage videos.

Merry Xmas everyone! xoxo   Van




I did this project over a decade ago. LOL. My friend Andy made this video and the other stud is my trapeze buddy Eric. It was winter time in Los Angeles and the water was icy cold. Yes, it does get cold in LA. Looking back, it was life imitating art. I was young and thought love equals ownership. I practically suffocated all my lovers/boyfriends. Thank god I am a bit wiser today. Like I said before and quoting George Bernard Shaw, youth is wasted on the young.