Helping my friend on GoFundMe

About my friend John

My friend John is a great photographer. He photographed me when I first started out in West Hollywood in the 90’s. I was trying to be a fashion model/actor like thousands and thousands of guys in Weho. Below are my actual model/actor calling card (comp card or zed card) back in the day. John took those photos. I was fascinated with photography and asked a lot of questions during our photoshoots. He took me under his wing and shared everything he knew about photography. He let me develop black and white photos in his darkroom. John was very generous and patient with me. We became friends.

I believe John was more than twice my age. We would eat dinner in Weho and all the queens would give us a look over… thinking “Oh, look. A sugar daddy and his boy toy.” These giggling queens would look very confused when I pulled out my wallet pay for the dinners. Gosh, I don’t miss that town at all.

I didn’t have the money for art school or the luxury of going to school. I was just trying to survive and have a roof over my head. John taught me photography and my other friend James taught me videography. Because of John, I was able to have a book published Male Bondage by Van Darkholme. And because of my other friend James and John, I was able to become a director for Sadly, James passed away two years ago and now I only have John. These two men made a huge difference in my life. I, in turn, was able to mentor someone. Sadly, I never got the dinners… but that’s another story.

Please donate and help me out!

If you enjoyed my art over the years, please help me out by donating to help my friend. If you have a lot, give a lot, and if you have a few dollars, please give that. I hope you all can donate to exceed his goal. That would be a wonderful Christmas gift for my friend. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and Merry Xmas, xo Van

Please visit John’s GoFundMe Page.


Merry Xmas 2018

Hello everyone! Sorry, I haven’t posted in a while. I enjoy life tremendously on my 15 acres of land and waiting for a little voice inside me to tell me what to do next. Being a steward to a large house and all this land pretty much take everything out of me, but I love it! This year, I built a chicken coop and a goat shed. See photos below. I now got 1 cat, 3 dogs, 6 chickens, and 3 goats. I’m exhausted by the end of the day tending to all my critters.

Thoughts on Shibari  and my work

I made a really sexy and hot video with Zane Anders which will probably end up on sexy websites similar to ( I feel my work need to evolve. Bondage needs to evolve somehow. Shibari (rope bondage) is so overdone and I wince now every time I see it. I’m proud to take credit for bringing bondage to the mainstream.  with my rope video series. With, I may even say that I made BDSM palatable for everyone. I’ve been doing this for over 20 years and I feel bondage needs to evolve somehow. Rope bondage is always a baby to me and I have enjoyed my time exploring the rope fetishes people have, however, it’s not as advanced and broad as other kinks could be, especially when looking into the psychology of some of these fetishes and kinks, whether in homosexual or heterosexual relationships.

Getting away from the fetish world to re-invent myself

So, my soul told me to enjoy what’s around me. Cutting down trees, building shelters for my animals, and growing food. I need to get away from the fetish world completely so I can be re-invented again. Otherwise, people (including me) tend to make the same crap over and over again – (opens in a new tab) my Van Darkholme rope video series

Funny enough, my biggest inspiration was Mumford and Son. They got famous, won awards, and got rich. This year while on top of their game, they came out with a brand new album Delta, which is completely different from everything they have done. Everybody had a cow. Where’re the banjos? People are yelling, “This is not the genre you supposed to be in?” They made something completely different and I loved it! This gave me some new ideas about bondage. 

Merry Xms everyone. xo Van

PS: If you want to see some of the stuff I’ve directed, please explore my video section.