My friend John who is a great photographer. He photographed me when I first started out in West Hollywood in the 90’s. I was trying to be a fashion model/actor like thousands and thousands of guys in Weho. Below are my actual model/actor calling card (comp card or zed card) back in the day. John took those photos. I was fascinated with photography and asked a lot of questions during our photoshoots. He took me under his wing and shared everything he knew about photography. He let me develop black and white photos in his darkroom. John was very generous and patient with me. We became friends.

I believe John was more than twice my age. We would eat dinner in Weho and all the queens would give us a look over… thinking “Oh, look. A sugar daddy and his boy toy.” These giggling queens would look very confused when I pull out my wallet pay for the dinners. Gosh, I don’t miss that town at all.

I didn’t have the money for art school. Or the luxury of going to school. I was just trying to survive and have a roof over my head. John taught me photography and my other friend James taught me videography. Because of John, I was able to have a book published Male Bondage by Van Darkholme. And because of my other friend James and John, I was able to become a director for Kinkmen.com. Sadly, James passed away two years ago and now I only have John. These two men made a huge difference in my life. I, in turn, was able to mentor someone. Sadly, I never got the dinners… but that’s another story.

If you enjoyed my art over the years, please help me out by donating to help my friend. If you have a lot, give a lot. If you have a few dollars, please give that. I hope you all can donate to exceed his goal. That would be a wonderful Christmas gift for my friend. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and Merry Xmas, xo Van

Please visit John’s GoFundMe Page. http://gf.me/u/pkfs6b

Hello everyone! Sorry, I haven’t posted in a while. I enjoy life tremendously on my 15 acres of land and waiting for a little voice inside me to tell me what to do next. Being a steward to a large house and all this land pretty much take everything out of me, but I love it! This year, I built a chicken coop and a goat shed. See photos below. I now got 1 cat, 3 dogs, 6 chickens, and 3 goats. I’m exhausted by the end of the day tending to all my critters.

I made a video with Zane Anders. As you’d expect, it was the type of video you’d expect to see on somewhere like https://www.hdtubemovies.xxx/. Though it was really sexy and hot, I feel my work need to evolve. Bondage needs to evolve somehow. Shibari (rope bondage) is so overdone and I winced now every time I see it. I’m proud to take credit for bringing bondage to the mainstream with my rope video series. I may even say that I made BDSM palatable for everyone when I created Kinkmen.com. I’ve been doing this for over 20 years and I feel bondage needs to evolve somehow. So, my soul told me to enjoy what’s around me. Cutting down trees, build shelters for my animals, and grow food. I need to get away from the fetish world completely so I can re-invented again. Otherwise, people (including me) tend to make the same crap over and over again.

Funny enough, my biggest inspiration was Mumford and Son. They got famous, won awards, and got rich. This year while on top of their game, they came out with a brand new album Delta, which is completely different from everything they have done. Everybody had a cow. Where’s the banjos? People are yelling, “This is not the genre you supposed to be in?” They made something completely different and I loved it! This gave me some new ideas about bondage.

Merry Xmas everyone. xo Van

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I made a video this summer. Check it out on AEBN. CLICK HERE!
XO Van

I made this video over a decade ago. It’s pretty funny. Feel free to make crazy edits from it. Just give me some credits though. Enjoy!

xo Van