Where’s The Hate?

When I put my house in San Francisco on the market in 2016, my neighbors saw the “for sale” sign. They told me that they were sad to see me go and asked for my destination. I said the Carolinas and immediately I was met with hostile shouting, “They are going to kill you out there. They don’t take too kindly to people like you.” And so on.

Like me? I guess that’s me for being Asian or gay or both. Well, it’s 2019 and I’m on my third year here. I have met the nicest people in the world. And yes, they knew that I’m Asian or gay or both. They called me sir and went out of their way to help me. Though, in the beginning, they were extremely curious to know why I left San Francisco and moved to a tiny town in the country.

Reasons I left San Francisco

“Why? Why would you want to leave a big city like that and move here? I always wanted to visit there. Maybe someday. There’s nothing around here. Can’t imagine anyone would deliberately want to live here,” a confused Lowes cashier rambling. I told them that I worked my butt off in San Francisco just to pay the bills and property taxes, like a rat on spinning wheel. Sure, I lived in the city but I was too damn tired from work to go out anywhere. I spent my weekends sleeping on my couch for years. 

Green trees, no cars, lovely people

Instead of streets filled with homeless encampment, I get to see miles and miles of green trees. People are very laid back here and they would stop and talk to ya, instead of being in a big rush like city folks. There are hardly any cars on the road. There’s plenty of parking near the front doors of all the stores. I live on the border of North and South Carolina. It’s an hour from Charlotte and an hour from Greenville – just an hour to the airport. It would take me the same amount of time to get to the airport in San Francisco but without the traffic and the stress.

Oh, and people take pride in their properties around here. No matter how rich or poor, they all kept their lawn mowed and houses in tip-top shape. Of course, there are a couple of houses with old rusty car parts covered their front yard, but there are also mansions with gated driveways. Overall, it’s pretty much middle-class families here.

My experiences in NC

I haven’t run into a white supremacist yet. No one looked at me with hatred or disdain. Believe me, I was on the lookout for it because I was told by everyone I knew (including strangers) in San Francisco. CNN told me there are white supremacists everywhere outside of CA and NY, and this country is filled with racists and homophobes. I was a little nervous the first year here. Now, I realized I’ve been lied to.

Our small town

Our small town has only one State Farm insurance office and it runs by a super friendly black male agent and an extremely talkative white southern belle secretary. A few years ago, I walked into the feed store for the first time because I had to buy hay for my 3 goats in the winter. Four large white farmers were chatting in the back of the store. I was a little nervous because they looked like the kind of people city folks warned me about. Then came in a black man and I was extremely curious to see their reaction to us. The black gentleman walked straight up to them and there were loud flurries of greetings and handshakes.

A super cute stud in his 20’s came up to me, “Sir, is there anything I can help you with?” I could think of a few things but nervously ask for hay instead. Like everyone here, he was very nice and courteous. He insisted on putting the hay in the back of my truck by himself, “Sir, that’s my job. Now you have a great day.”

The gay community

There are plenty of gay people here out in the open and no one cares. Pet store owners, bed and breakfast owners, town councilmen, doctors, waiters, etc. Too many if you asked me. Just kidding. Here in the country, the majority of 30’s & 40’s gays left for the big city and the remainders are the 20’s & older gays. The 20’s gays can’t afford to leave the area and the older gays have moved back to retired or are stuck in a hetero marriage with grown kids. I would have large dinner parties where I carry on conversations with the older gays about life and travels while the 20’s gays dance around and dare each other to strip off their clothes.

Get out of your bubble!

Anyway, without getting political or too preachy, I hope everyone has a chance to get out of one’s bubble and talk to people face to face. Get your info from the source. Do not allow others (including the media) to do the thinking for you. Telling you who you are, who hates you and who to hate. Maybe y’all know the saying, “When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back at your butthole.”

xo Van

PS: Here are some photos of my new life. I’m a lucky son of a bitch :)

21 thoughts on “Where’s The Hate?”

  1. Hi! I wonder if in eastern US is also large number of dungeons? Is it legal in every state? Just curious. Much love from China

  2. love you van <3 it is nice to see that you're doing well, wish you the best!


  3. Hey Mr.Darkholme ,you have a lot of fans in china ,do you have any plans to come to china?

  4. Hi, Van!
    I took your article and translated it into Russian.
    A huge number of people from Russia are waiting for news from you.
    There are more than 100,000 people in our community who are interested in your work and life.
    I want to thank you on behalf of the entire community for the content that you give us, although very rarely :)
    We would also be very interested to know your attitude towards Russia.
    Have you thought about visiting our country?
    I am writing with love from Russia and waiting for an answer :)
    Yours, XEEN.

    1. XEEN, thank you for your nice message and thank you for passing my writing along. I don’t know too much about Russia except for the USA propaganda news here and from the James Bond movies. I think the Russian men are absolutely gorgeous and I jack off to them on Chaturbate. Since Russia borders China, the Russian-Chinese mixed men are super hot. I was going to bring my Kinkmen production to Moscow about 10 years ago, but I was told that would be arrested so we went to Budapest instead. We did 10 shoots in Budapest. I had an orgy in the men area at the Gellért Thermal Bath. Sorry, I’m rambling.

      I would love to visit Russia someday :) xo Van

  5. Damn, what a view. Also nice work on your land! Much love from a person who discovered you from gachimuchi <3

  6. Hello, my dear Mr. Van, I am very happy to see your current life photos. I think it’s so interesting. I have to know that I am also troubled by the rush of life. I really envy you, I wish you good luck.

  7. Seems like you having a good life. I hope you will find a bless here, good luck :).
    From the country Belarus, city Vitebsk

  8. Looks like you having a calm and blissful life at your old age, you deserved it, I would say you deserved even more. We will always be with you, our Dungeon Master :). My fiery greetings from Vitebsk, Belarus.

  9. Californians (not all of them of course) are some of the dumbest people in the US, they will believe just about everything thing they hear on the news. I’m glad you didn’t let your fears get in the way of your goals and that you’re doing well!

  10. Man I’m jealous. You’re living the life that I always dream of. I’m also in NC but in urban areas. Guess I need to start saving money now and will eventually buy a house in the countryside. Why did you choose Carolinas may I ask? Anyway, thank you for your wonderful life stories. Love you!

  11. In some small towns residents are really kind, that’s very true. Yet sometimes I just find it’s hard for me to be accepted. Anyway, it’s the best thing if u feel well.

  12. Hello Mr. Van Darkholme,


    Finally, I got the courage to leave you a message.

    I love how you treasure your life – I read almost all of your archives, and I do really admire your attitude. Life to you is a great matter, you love people and you love your career. I read most of your archives and I saw kindness and respect in your words, to nature, to life, to people and to the world. I am grateful that you shared all these thoughts with strangers like me on the internet and I certainly did learn from you.

    I jack off to your videos, I watch the mash-ups people made, and I think the soul that inhabitats in your body is greater than any of that. Sorry, this is pretty much some random talk.

    I do really want to say thank you, Mr. Van Darkholme, I learned a lot from you – including sex tricks and absolutely a lot more than that. And thank god (i dont mean to be religious but merely want to say thank the world) for bringing such a great artist to life.

    May I visit the west coast of the states someday, I shall drop by your town and see the nice people you have mentioned.

    Also, what is your truck’s model & make? Just being curious as I am a big fan of off-roading.

    Best regards,
    Your fan from Canada

  13. I think nowadays, much prejudice is dissipated by mainstream media, what people really need is put down their cellphone, to reach out and talk to each others. Getting to know others instead of labeling others is important.

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